|Well Timed Words |
Picture this...A pregnant mama is working through surges. She's relaxed. She's feeling what her body is doing. She's okay. THEN her surges change. Her body takes its next stair step to meeting baby, and the intensity grows. She suddenly feels unprepared. She doesn't think she can do this for very long, and she begins to panic. Her eyes well with tears and she begins to doubt herself. . PAUSE... Scenario 1: Her mom/sister/nurse/husband tell her she's done so well, but that she doesn't have to be a hero, she can get pain medication, or she should just go for the epidural. They're proud of her. She feels defeated. This wasn't her plan. She didn't think it would get this intense. She's scared. She changes her plan. Everything is okay, she's thankful that her and her baby are safe, but she somehow feels upset...disappointed. . Scenario 2: Her mom/aunt/sister/husband/nurse/doula tell her she's incredible. They validate her feelings and ask her to explain exactly what the surges feel like right now. Her mom/sister/doula explain that her body has taken the next step..this is good..this is right...your baby is coming to you, and your body is doing it. You can handle it because YOU are doing it. They tell her how well she's doing and remind her to stay relaxed and that her hormones will catch up. They do. After a few surges she is able to prepare for each one and handle the pressure. It feels intense but she's focused, she's relaxed, and she's not scared. The intensity increases again and with support she adjusts. Everything's okay, she's thankful that her and her baby are safe and she's tired, but she's happy. This was her plan, she knew she could do it, and here she is. . NOW this post is not meant to address the WAY anyone births. Birth is beautiful. Birth is incredible, and any mama who has ever had a baby is worthy of care, support, love and encouragement. . The mama in Scenario 1 didn't fail. She had a baby. She changed her plan, and she's still a warrior. She's still a goddess, but HER feelings about her experience don't make her feel good about it. And that matters. I tell this story because I hear it often. Normally from Mama's pregnant again and looking for a different experience, for different feelings towards herself afterward. . . THIS POST is to say...a few well timed words...well they make all the difference. Build trust in your birth team. If you begin to doubt yourself make sure you have people around you who will help you through and lift you up. If you're not sure, hire a doula. They will do exactly this. You don't HAVE to have a "natural birth" but if this is your goal...90% of the work (the education, the confidence building, the birth team, and the research) all happen before you are even in labor. If it's truly what you want, Mama I know you can do it.